Congrats Males of Canada

Rating male lover by country

*note this is not my list.... I found this on the Internet... seriously


World’s Best Lovers
1. Spain
2. Brazil
3. Italy
4. France
5. Ireland
6. South Africa
7. Australia
8. New Zealand
9. Denmark
10. Canada

Way to go Canada! Gold star.

oh and I feel this needs to be said

Today I met a boy that is a non British, less cute version of Rupert Grint.

I was dragged into helping a friend with her biology lab, she needed a Guinea Pig, and I said yes, after much deliberation. Well I had to get up early, I charged my Ipod, stocked it full of Mugglecast and South park, to keep me entertained so that I do not annoy Jena........ W arrive I sit down, Jena sets up her microscope and in walks Rupert. Oh I have decided to call him that for I do not know his name. Jena, we need to work on that. Well, I stared, and I think only Melanie has seen how I stare wide eyed and mouth opened when I oggle men. So Melanie..... I was doing that again. I tried to listen to my Podular but I felt Jena needed to know this kid sitting across from her and one person away from me, is a look alike of my true love. This was clearly more important than her lab. so how did I do it....

The high school way of course! I wrote Jena a note and slipped it to her. She informed me, that she noticed when he walked in... and was just waiting for me to say something..... Am I really that easy?...... To read.... Oh no not that way...... ummm....

So I decided to befriend Rupert. So that Jena will have friends in her lab... but more for my own selfish needs. Sooooo I think it went quite well.... and it can only go down hill from there, when he tells me his name is not in fact Rupert, this will be disappointing. and the fact.... I will never see him again.... for he is at Dougie, and is present during labs ....... and I am in neither. Oh well Rupert, It was awkward while it lasted.


Sorry for the drool!

Georgia on my mind

Thanks to all that came out to the show!. and to my number one fan who came twice......

also to my Bp Gang members, it was awesome to see you, and Lindsay... thanks for the biggest hug I have ever had. I hope I made you proud!

Sorry Gangsta!

Sorry!

and this is for me.

Angry Face

I am very pleased to be in Oaks. I am proud of myself. I took a chance to do something that scares the shit out of me, being vulnerable. and the show has been well received which is pleasing

I feel a lot of anger right now towards people, I don't know if this is genuine anger, or if I am affect by what happened tonight, or if I didn't hunker completely and am still carrying around my character.

I feel let down by people who have declined my show, and haven't given me a reason. I guess this is childish. but these people mean a lot to me, we go way back, and i worry there friendships have been swayed b/c of circumstances that I guess I am not giving my full attention b/c I am trying to dedicate myself to this crazy masochistic career I have chosen. I feel horrible.

After the Oaks incident today, I went home an cried. I don't know why. I wasn't involved, but this voiced opinion got out of hand. I am so thankful I never opened my mouth, everything just snowballed. I cried for Fiona. So those from Douglas reading this: show up! Support us please!

For the first time in a year, I wish someone was here, and was holding my hand, allowing me to cry on them, let out all my frustration, anger, insecurities, heartache. They would let me yell at myself for I am angry, I am confused as to why I do what I do. I want something, and I don't know how to break through this stupid fucking wall I have put up to stop myself from reaching it. I am scared that everyone else will get there before me, and I feel I am falling behind, because they have there lives, relationships, careers, homes, and/or money figured out and I am stuck. Scared shitless, of life and failure. I want truth, but feel people don't give it to me.

I want to know honestly what you thought of me, what you thought of the show. If I sucked, tell me. How can I learn? How can I grow? How can I let go?

My mom , and Laura seemed really proud of me for my performance and I thank you. Right now remembering Laura saying I was amazing makes me teary eyed. and the hug, and saying you cried. Ah, that is why I love you and invite you. You show up, and are so proud to see me.

sorry guys I needed a little sad post

P.S. I like hugs. So if you are happy to see me, or are proud, or need me. Give me a real hug, and I will hugg you back! I just want to feel wanted and loved right now.

Will I learn? Only time can tell

So Friday I decided to go for brunch and then head to Kits beach.

I am going to Tarantino this story, by giving you the ending and then move to the beginning. Ready!

You may say this isn't bad... WELL its had a day to de-red-ify..... and my lower half is worse. I don't have enough confidence to put a picture of my butt on the Internet. Sorry. So pretty much if you never wanted to imagine me slightly unclothed... sorry for this and for those who have/do.... Sorry I have now crushed your images....

so i am Tarantino-ing this shit.

"Oh, it is lovely out here, But see I am fully dressed, Jessica, we should keep our clothes on"

Nooooo. I need to be free!" and I want to say I was the only one in my bathing suit on the beach for a bit. Everyone was in clothes. I frolicked.

Laura got slightly undressed



POSE!!!!!

Laura left and I decided to stick around and gave Jena a call to join me. I knew while I was waiting that I was burning, but I felt to relaxed to do anything about it.

Let me give you the aftermath again

Being Unemployed Takes A Lot of Work.

Sonnet #1

Direction write a sonnet about someone you love.

Thought: I don't love. I know that sounds horrible but I am thinking it is true. I lust, I like. I Platonicly love, maybe? I love my parents, and my close friends, but I can't describe those feelings..... it just a strong feeling towards them...... that I associate with love. So I don't won't to write a poem about my mom.... That would not go so well. My dog? No. My best friend? No that might be taken strangely, and i will have to put up with the lesbian rumours again. So Kim and I made a list of what I love/ how I love, here it is:

Rupert Grint
Clothes
Shopping/sales associates
Food
My dog
Harry Potter
Mr. Right Now

b/c I can't handle love we chose Mr. Right Now. So we made a funny poem, about crushes, and then it turns into the speaker being turned off by the right now guy. I don't know who this reminds you of,.... but its not me..... I swear.. It's not taken from my life. Then Sunday night my teacher says he hopes we are taking the topic seriously he wants our heart and souls..... Sheeeeeeett. My poems is funny and makes fun of me... and not love.... uh oh.



New poem. Love taken seriously. I don't know if I can love, or even if I believe in it anymore. I believe in lust and liking but love, devoted love. I thought long and hard.. "that's what she said" I decided to share the closest thing I have felt to love in a year and a half. Started out as an idea to seriously talk about mine and Rupert Grints relationship, but it become more personal..

Response:

Sonnet #1
To hold the truth, I hope to be your girl.
A villain made when Dawn makes Dreaming break.
In my bare hands I wish your soul to whirl;
A blissful darkness, Lighted well you make.
Mine mind is where we have died together
And silhouettes of foe lay discontent.
My star shine gleam in your heart forever.
Release my heart, seeing concrete torment;
A blistered Heart of pain and woe and death,
Has passion stowed, with love it lies in waste.
Allow frost to fall from your sweetest breath
So I recall the loving mourning taste.
Embrace vast barricades between our corpse
Evermore my heart beats the code of Morse.



uhhh this is awkward..............