The first stars the Turtle and the TMI Turkey

Jonathan made me get a blog, to record all the awkward but hilarious things that happen to me on a weekly basis. I was worried that if I stuck to only the random greatness that happens, it might disappear because I will always be searching for what to place in this blog.

Instead I have decided to create a blog, that is pretty much my head....isn't that what most bloggers do? I personally believe I have a Martha Stewart, an Audrey Hepburn, an Anna Wintour, a Bordot, a Julia Child, a Betsey Johnson, and a little bit of Freddie Mercury all a part of me, some of them are failures, like my Martha Stewart, its Not a good thing! So I have no idea what this blog is going to become, but it will be a mess. A mess of stories, of photos, plans, rants, awkward "I need to tell someone" situations, and a mess of ideas that never get finished because my brain is moving onto the next great thing, that I will ultimately never finish.....AGAIN not a good thing.

So here is my awkward moments of the day (so far..its only 11:30)

my mom called me at work to inform me that although I am soon turning 21, she did clean my room and found some "interesting items" that we need to discuss. In my head I am panicking about what she found....did a friend leave a cigarette package? Is there a nude photo of an ex that he hid in my room as some sick joke? Do I have a sex tape that I am unaware of? Did I sleepwalk last night and buy a bunch of crack and smoke it in my room and forgot to clean it in my state of sleep? Have I been brainwashed into joining the Taliban, and I cant remember because my trigger words is Popcorn, but my mom found all the documents for Jihad?

Mom I was cleaning under your bed and in your sock drawer...

(why only those two places...was she hoping to find something?)

Mom:"I found a poster and on the poster is a nude girl, Do you no about this?"

(Well the poster is from Jatinder, he gave me it the first and last time I went to a strip club)

Jess: "uhh..It was a gift?"

M: hmm and I found a rather large box of umm...

(OMG the large box of......from the time I bought the lingerie....to make myself feel better......uhhhhhhhh...think...good excuse........I found them......)

J: Yeah ....um Mom can we not talk about this now

M: Why?

J: I am at my place of work?

M: Oh well I didn't know that

J: but you called me at my place of work

M: Well yes but I thought you were on lunch

J: Nope, I am not.

M: Why are you answering your phone if you are working?

J: That is my Job! Answering phones!

M: Well we will talk about this when you get home. Are you going to dance? I think you should, You need to get over your insecurities of being tall.

J: but I am not insecure with (mom cuts me off)

M: I just say it because I love you and I care about you and I want you to be happy, and I want you to find a boy who loves you for you, and I want grandchildren, and Honestly I have a fear I will not be getting grandchildren, and this upsets me...

J:..........oh....okay...........bye


The End


So this is my life.....

Enjoy!